UNITING THE NATION = DIVIDING THE NATION = (POST.1) DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

UNITING THE NATION

DIVIDING THE NATION (Post.1)

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

When People’s minds and hearts come together, the Nation stands United. When People’s minds and hearts grow suspicious of each other, they go apart, and the Nation stands divided.

It is a too very simple and obvious logic.

But, to achieve this - we need great leaders who love all people of the country uniformly and are forever for their Unity.

Mahatma Gandhi was one such. Pandit Nehru was one such. During Freedom struggle, there were probably many such – in different parts of the country. Subsequent to  Independence, India has not been producing any great leaders  of that eminence – whose heart felt for all and throbbed for all. 

Even great leaders who came subsequently are – bent either towards this group or that group – and consciously tried to cultivate individual sections of society – rather than the whole of it. In the process – people’s minds are today badly divided on caste, religion, sex, region, language and many such factors.

During Freedom struggle – a famous Tamil Poet said – jaadhigal Illaiyadi Paappaa – affirming that - there are no castes, my young child! People came together irrespective of castes for the noble cause of freedom struggle. That spirit however did not continue after Independence. Today, in the same Tamilnadu, every caste has its association, possibly a bank, possibly a TV channel, possibly a Political Party and so on.

Unity in Diversity is a slogan - we started with,  at the dawn of Independence – but today, we have more diversity than Unity. We see all types of sectarian hatreds in all parts of India. 

When Tendulkar merely said – “I am first of all an Indian” - that too in the most cosmopolitan city of Mumbai -  even Tendulkar had to face the wrath of sectarianism. It was good to see many Nationalists standing byTendulkar in that dark hour of sectarianism. Rahul Gandhi’s subsequent challenging mood and actions – were of course a relief.

Is it some thing special for Mumbai? No. it is there in different facets in Hyderabad, Bangalore, Chennai and every where else.

The time has come for strong Nationalists to come forward – and forge the spirit of unity among Indians – so that no Indian faces any bias against him in any part of the country.

Our languages are different. Our places of birth are different. Our complexions are different. Our religions may be different. But, these are not factors on which we had any choice or control our self and therefore – these are not factors on which we should be quarreling.

For this – we don’t need to lead any great struggles. We just need to avoid some mistakes; correct some mistakes; make efforts to  befriend all sections of society; help each other; go to same type of schools and colleges; come together and extend our friendship to all good people of all sections of society. 

So what are some mistakes that we can avoid and what are those we can correct. In this first article, I start with simple things which affect Family Unity and then subsequently progress to what affects National Unity.

The Domestic violence Act

I start with how a simple, well meaning act like the Domestic violence Act operates in this country.

This is the same story that goes on daily or almost daily in many families in India.

The man goes to an intoxicating drinks shop or a hi-fi wine shop, most of which are operated in some states like Tamilnadu by Government itself. In some states they are leased out or auctioned off.

They are the most frequented shops after 5 PM –as I notice. Now, when the men take home a bottle and drink, or drink and go home – how can that home be free of violence? 

The woman cannot bear it, and, unlike westerners, the man here, doesn’t want the woman to drink- which is of course, good. But, the woman talks – what she feels. The major portion of family Income goes for drinking! The children go without food; or without education. In any case, the drunken man is a big nuisance at home.

It is shown in all TV serials and movies – but when men see it, men feel, it is natural for men to drink. And women gets enraged all the more.

Domestic violence is also very High – where the man or woman develops illicit relations with others.

Domestic violence is 75% less – in families without this Drinking Habit. It is over 90 percent less if both drinking habit and illicit relationship are not there. In some families both seem to go together.

Governments are promoting both habits indirectly and then passing a bad act like the Domestic violence act – to deal with the EFFECT – keeping the CAUSE in tact.

Here also, the part played by cinemas and TV serials is very significant. Men and women enjoy the cinemas and serials – but when it happens in their homes – all hell breaks lose. Domestic violence does come in at different points frequently.

The Act makes it a cognizable, non-bailable offence; arrests the man;puts the man behind bars; beats him up; reduces him to less than an animal in Police custody; makes him hate his family all the more; and divides the family permanently.  Is that what the woman wanted? No. she wanted that the husband should reform and be with her. But, the act has no provisions to accomplish that.

This, in my opinion, is a bad act, badly implemented, with bad results  – but, may be with good intentions.

Ideally – India as a country, must not allow Police to step in between the problems of the wife and husband -except in extreme cases. Neither should the courts. The Police especially are totally unsuitable for reforming the husband and re-uniting the couple. 

The purpose of all Governmental action must be – reformative – not punitive – especially in family disputes.

There must be an alternative  Government – cum - social set-up, with some legal power, which must intervene in all such cases pro-actively, counsel the husband, his people and the wife – to find a long lasting solution acceptable to both. This must be tried a few times – before the Police and courts intervene.

This is exactly what most wives want – the husband should be good and be with them; they do not want jailing the husband; beating him up;  and permanent separation from him. This is what works for her.

But, if Governments are constantly encouraging drinking habits on one side, and encouraging promiscuous habits on the other side – how can there be no Domestic Violence?

All Governments – must proclaim that Drinking is bad for people, bad for their family members and bad for their children.

Hero / Heroin drinking scenes are the most dangerous – and must be banned altogether. Western movies are far better. They sip a few drops – but our heroes and heroines drink whole bottles, one after another. 

And – younger generation (and older generation) emulates these heroes. To my knowledge – MGR was one Hero, who totally avoided acting in such scenes all his life. He did not set a bad precedent for his Fans.

Also – what is the purpose of showing Domestic violence as if it is somehow  justified, in many movies and TV serials. If Domestic violence must not be there, do not allow its eulogization in TV serials and movies.

But, one word of caution here. Women are prone to be emotional and uncontrollably so,  some times. So – if a stray incident happens here and there in the family – we must not make a mountain out of a mole hill – and call it Domestic violence. That too is beginning to happen.

The reason for saying this is – we see a perpetual mother-in-law – daughter-in-law problem in many families in India. These are basically emotional issues for both – on the possession of one man – the son for the mother in law and the husband for the daughter in law. While this will be dealt with separately, it is essential to understand that woman is more emotional and more possessive in such matters -which may from one angle, be her  great attraction for the man; but is from another angle, a perpetual source of teasing and tension for the man.

We need to understand the physical and emotional needs of the average man and woman – and employ all legal and other methods to keep them happy and united – and not punish one for an offence and divide them for ever. 

So – what should be the social set – up for this?

The village elders, including the Head master of the school, the principal of the college, the surpanch, the councilor, the Post master, a court nominated advocate and so on – about 2 or 3 are good enough for each occasion - who are partly nominated by the Government and partly based on volunteering. There can also be NGOs  of men and women formed for this purpose. The NGOs movement must be promoted much more than at present – for such socially Beneficial purposes.

Or – it can be a set-up nominated by the Local court on the above lines. But, let there be no Police in it. They are unsuitable for such purpose.

It is not necessary that this committee must act on the complaint of a victim. They must act even on the tip off of neighbours and others. They must act discreetly to know the incidents – and advice the couple to avoid the causative factors. Their intervention will bring some problems to ground level – by itself.

Counseling, as an interventional instrument – is an urgent necessity  in such cases. 

In case, they find, the husband or any other person responsible for the domestic violence is unrepentant and insists on persisting with it – the committee must have the legal power to recommend judicial custody (not Police custody)  -for 2 to 3 days – and this must be binding on the local magistrate.

If extra marital relations of either wife or husband is responsible – the committee must act on that also – and warn the third party to keep off from the relationship. 

If prompt action is taken at the first instance, and if it is just adequate and not excessive, and if it is reformatory rather than punitive -  the act becomes a Great act. Else, in my view, it is a bad act – which is delivering unwanted results. As things stand – I think , you will not find a single home where this act has acted either in time, or saved a marriage, or brought happiness to the couples.

A stitch in time – saves nine. The act presently does not come until it is torn and it will in its turn, serves to tear it off completely. 

There is no point in destroying families totally with acts such as domestic violence Act, which is what it is doing at present.

We must find alternatives. There can be any number of different alternatives. For each town or village, there can be a different ,workable, effective set-up. But, in no circumstance, should the first intruder into the family be the Police or the court.

The intention of the  act may have been good – but it is delivering unwanted results. We have never thought of reformative, pro-active actions as state Policy – except in a few cases.

It is time to adopt such a stance as state Policy – and ensure that the Indian house holds become Happy Homes.

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