Saturday, December 21, 2013





People ‘s behavior is sometimes weird, mad, senseless , unintelligent, unreasonable...and so on. Young and Old, Educated and uneducated, rich and poor – all behave in these ways at times. Only Extreme instances of this kind are reported in news papers. I propose to cover some of them from now on – in this Blog – just to show that Human beings are not always Intelligent and reasoning. For reasons of Brevity, the news will be summarized – just HighLighting the weird and stupid portions. The names will, however be mentioned as XYZ or ABC and so on..As far as possible, the URL number also will be given.

TOI DT 22 DEC 2013 :


This really isn’t News : we all know, it is happening. Here is the News (summarized) :

Forget the proverbial seven-year-itch. Newlyweds should prepare for the two-year-hitch as a growing number of couples are hitting deadlock soon after wedlock..... Long courtship prior to marriage, approval of both families etc – are now no Guarantees for sustenance of marriages.

..empirical evidence, both in households and counseling clinics, supports the assumption that marriages have a shorter shelf-life...and ..are falling apart very early. More than 10 % of cases I handle are ones where the couple is separating within one or two years of marriage," says a counselor. "In fact my chamber has cases where couples/clients have approached me seeking legal advice to terminate their marriage which is probably less than a month old for various reasons. Most don't understand the responsibilities that come along with marriage and they either lack maturity in handling a marital relationship or they lack guidance."

Couples who may have dated for a year or two, and then strangely claim incompatibility or temperamental differences after swapping rings – and this is a relatively recent development. "As a lawyer this surprises me - their 'incompatibility' post their marriage and perfect compatibility prior to it," she confides.

A psychiatrist cum author says.. "Where the previous generation viewed marriage as a sacrament, the younger generation of urban Indians tends to view marriage more as a relationship between consenting adults,"  
Most young couples won't give marriage a chance because they've already made up their minds that it won't work, and they don't want to waste time force-fitting one's square into the other's circle. Compromise in the modern urban dictionary is a dirty word. "They don't want to live through a hard-fought reconciliation, believing they can cut their losses early and do better next time, except that they don't realize the problem for the marriage not working lies partly with them, and it may well travel into their subsequent relationships," says a communications specialist.

Some see it differently. "People have a tendency to be idealistic about the past - we'd like to think politicians were once honest and marriages were good," says  one, who views marriage as a social contract to have children, one that holds little water in an age of single parenting and adoption. "Marriage as a concept is fast approaching its sell-by date. Even the government now recognizes the legal validity of the live-in relationship," he argues, rattling off names of five people he knows who are/have dissolved their marriages within a span of a couple of years.

A social activist says that of those who have approached her to litigate within weeks of marriage, some have families backing them all the way. "Earlier parents would tell their children, don't come weeping if things don't work out. They're now saying if you can't adjust come back. Our social set-up is more accepting," says she. "I've also seen marriages break up within a couple of years in smaller cities like Salem, Pondicherry and Madurai," she states.

Many of these marriages are too short for the couple to have children and that saves them a whole deal of custodial wrangling when they want out. Interestingly, while both parties may have resisted reconciliation in marriage, they embrace it in divorce, to make it quick and painless.
Another clinical psychiatrist cum psychotherapist places part of the blame for quick splits on our need for instant gratification. "Narcissism is at an all time high," she maintains, "It's about me, myself and my own baggage and you with yours; not collaboratively ours." She says.... Couples are ready to part ways for reasons that may have once been considered frivolous...

There's another factor weighing in on shrink-wrapped marriage: the growing economic and concomitant social independence of women that permits many to walk out. Ms.XYZ in Delhi pulled out of wedlock almost immediately after marrying her colleague when she discovered what she calls "a shocking mismatch of expectations". "After marriage, he wanted me to be a traditional wife with 'duties', but I cannot conform to any preset ideals," says she who walked out of her marital home after a few months, and after a year filed for divorce with mutual consent.  "We live in a schizophrenic society and marriage is the watershed that exposes the double standards in relationships," ABC says emphatically.
My Comments : World over, everybody is becoming acutely conscious of his/her rights, but is conveniently forgetful of all DUTIES and RESPONSIBILITIES, in any relationship. In a relationship, be it as Spouse or as Citizen, only when each discharges his/her responsibility – can everyone’s rights be availed. They become automatic in a world where everyone does his/her duty first. More so, in a wife-husband relationship. Love is the most meaningless word that is proliferating in all relationships where expectations from the other is High but willingness to offer one’s own side is almost totally absent. The same person who says, “I love you so much that I willing to die if life is without you”, is unwilling to even make a coffee/tea for the partner. In the latter comes the ego feeling, am I your servant to do all this? So, there goes the relationship into hot air. There are too many double standards – in all these so called Love relationships – many of which are doomed to failure – even before they start.

Where there is Genuine love, willingness to adjust to and support each others’ requirements, life and love are always – forever ; love in them grows with each day.

.....More news will be added..daily...

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